Yes, I’m finally back with another lewd review This time I’m going to review Super Hippo’s fantasy RTS/JRPG/adventure browser game Crystal Maidens, and I’ll have you know that I got a very pleasant surprise once I started to play the game. I had no idea (whatsoever) how deep (insert a dirty joke of your liking here cough cough) Crystal Maidens would be.
As a matter of fact, since it’s a browser game, I didn’t hold any high expectations, because most of RTS/JRPG/adventure games that I have played via browsers in the past have been anything but good. However, as I mentioned earlier, Crystal Maidens gave me anything but a bad gameplay experience. Please allow me to explain what I’m talking about. First of all, the game is very worry-free to get going with, and I’m talking about Warcraft 1 easy. In other words, you will be sexing up sexy maidens and fighting battles in no time.
As for the actual story of Crystal Maidens, it’s a rather simple one:
"The world of the Crystal Maidens has been invaded by a powerful wizard that subjugates and controls young maidens to do its bidding. When your ship is sunk in the war against this dark force, you end up shipwrecked on a strange island with a mysterious portal. With the help of magical crystals, you must summon a harem of beautiful maidens to fight back this evil and liberate the maidens of the world!"
Simply put, Crystal Maidens is what happens when you mix Chrono Trigger, Magic the Gathering, and Dota with +18 lewd content (not to mention hentai mangas such as Welcome to Steef Deek Island and Boy Meets Harem). Well, I think you get the idea. So I’m going to move on to the actual game-play aspects of the game now.
Right off the bat, Crystal Maidens kicks off by having you wake up on a beach on an island in the middle of nowhere (you have just survived from drowning since your ship sank down to the bottom of the sea). Out of nowhere comes this super-hot and sexy shaman girl named Nuka (whenever someone starts to talk to you, a visual novel-like kind of dialog/animation takes place. You don’t get a dialog tree to pick different dialog options from though). Well, long story short, Nuka informs you about your situation, and that she and her maiden friends need your help to fight evil and thus save the maidens world from a certain doom.
In-order for you to save the day and get all those sexy maidens (plus tons of riches), you have to use both smarts and good battle tactics. Once you get to the main menu of Crystal Maidens you will soon realize that you can do tons of different things. For example, there are plenty of unique maidens to be found including everything from shamans, thieves, to swords-woman (you can find, buy or get maidens to join you throughout the game). There are 16 maidens available for the game at the moment, ranging from orcs, and exotic island girls to goddess like babes.
And yes, you guessed it. You can see them all nude and get laid with them all (the dude of this story is one lucky bastard). Keep in mind that you need different elemental crystals in-order to flirt with the maidens (some maidens cost more elemental crystals then others). The more you flirt, the more lewd content you get as the maidens’ start to become more and more nude, until you finally get a chance to get laid. You could either find elemental crystals or buy them via the shop with gems.
It’s also worth pointing out that when you flirt and use enough romance with your maidens, they will eventually level up. That’s not the only way for your maidens to level up though, because they can also level up by gaining experience points on the battle field. The battle aspect of the game is rather simple. You pick four maidens (that’s the max number of allowed maidens per battle) of your choice before each battle. Pick your maidens with care, because each maiden has her unique set of skills, strengths and weaknesses. Then its show time! Before and after each battle, there’s a rather funny and lewd dialog between you and your maidens.
Do you remember the part where I mentioned Chrono Trigger? The combat is even easier in Crystal Maidens, you simply drag and drop your characters into the battle field, and shortly after that the battle will begin. You will then have to use the right maidens and special attacks against your foes in-order to win your battles. Once you win your battles, you are rewarded experience points, items and much more.
Furthermore, by the end of each battle, you get a grade between one and three stars depending on how well (or poorly) you performed. So that gives you a good reason to replay the stages where you haven’t reached a full three star score just yet. That’s just the half of it though, because you have boss battles to fight as well (you have a Challenge mode to enjoy too), and those can be rather intense. So be sure to have a strong line-up of maidens before you enter a boss battle, or else you might just end up dead in the blink of an eye.
Lucky for you and I though, it’s possible for you to upgrade different items, weapons and protective gear if you have the right materials to do so (don’t get to cocky though, because you need to keep your eyes on your health, energy and resource levels). You can also equip your maidens, and that includes helmets, armors, weapons, shields, boots and pendants. It's also possible for you to upgrade your maidens’ gear, and their skills as well by allowing them to study their special talents by using your coins.
Speaking of coins and what not, these are the currencies of Crystal Maidens:
And in case you wonder, yes, there are different races, classes (such as mage, warrior and so on) and elements (like fire, water, etc.) so there should be something for everyone to enjoy. I’ll have you know that those lewd scenes go all the way, you even get to re-watch them once they’re unlocked. So Crystal Maidens is most likely not the kind of game that I would recommend that you play at work or in public (for obvious reasons).
To sum it up, there are tons of items, weapons, armors and stuff that you can use in Crystal Maidens, and you got a huge world to explore as well (plus plenty of quests and campaigns to complete, and trophies to unlock). Hell, there’s even a Christmas event going on in the game right now, and there will also be some kind of an arena feature in the future (I guess that the idea would be for players to show off their skills online via that arena?).
My point would be that there is a lot of stuff to do, explore, and enjoy in Crystal Maidens (you can even build different buildings as well, such as a temple, coin storage and a research academy). You have hours and hours of game-play content to enjoy. You’ll will most likely spend quite a few hours in the game’s shop and maidens’ gallery alone.
All in all, you get a pretty rock solid lewd RPG/RTS adventure experience with Crystal Maidens, and thanks to the fact that the lewd parts are really well done, the lewd aspects don't feel like a gimmick or something half-done. I would definitely recommend checking out this game.